What I Have Learned While Living Abroad

This is a post I have hesitated to share, as it isn't as positive as my usual writings, but I believe that it is such an important part of my journey that not including it would be dishonest to my story.

I had many images in my mind of what living abroad in Korea was going to be like. I had researched the culture and read up on the history and thought I had somewhat of an idea what to expect. And in some regards this was true. But one thing I think I failed to consider was how these differences would affect me after living here. I knew what to expect but not how those things would take a toll on me. It hasn't been long that I have felt this way, only within the past week. I like to think it was a snowball effect, that the little cultural differences did not affect me fully until they had all piled up within my subconscious and were revealed only after an insignificant tipping point. So here I am left to write out my thoughts and some how process through what I imagine every traveler encounters when in a new country. I don't blame you for clicking out early, this post will likely be long and rambling as it is my way to therapeutically work through my experiences thus far. For those who are sticking around, thanks, and I hope that these thoughts give you some insight or perhaps remind you of your own travels abroad. However, most of these experiences are unique to my own perspective, being a white female American who fits the Korean standard of beauty and it is this identity where my story begins.

I never realized how significant my nationality was to my identity until I traveled away from my country. I didn't realize how so many of my opinions and thoughts are wrapped up in the country I was born in to. Somehow I foolishly believed that there were universal truths that every human being shared and when I realized they were not, I can honestly say I was a little heart broken. It is a rude awakening when an individuals importance is high in one society and yet so low in another. It has made me realize which rights and values I have inherited from my nationality. When I was living in the US I was often dismayed by how our country operated and how much was left to be fixed. As a nursing student I am about to voyage into the American medical system, a system that I believe is one of the worst in the world. I believe everyone has the right to health care and to live a healthy life no matter the amount of money in their pocket. But that is a rant for another time. I'm just trying to say that in the past year there has been a lot that I have been unhappy about regarding the US. And that is why being here has surprised me so much as it has opened my eyes to my own identity and my own country.

I am a person who has hard set morals and values that I stick to no matter where I am, and I find that this trait makes adapting to cultures a little more difficult for me. And even more surprising, that being here has made me love my country in a way I never have before. It's strange, I used to be embarrassed by people who would paint their bodies red, white, and blue on the fourth of July. I couldn't believe people could be so proud of a country so broken. But now I see that it is between those broken pieces that one can find passion for their identity and hope for continuation. After all, we are a country born out of revolution. We are freedom fighters, even if there is still so much more freedom left to fight for.

Now I know you are probably thinking "Alright Elle, get to the point here, what is this really about?" well now I will begin to try to unbox my relationship with Korea and how it has changed in just the past month I have been abroad. All of this ties together, I promise.

WHITE
Never have I been in such a place that it is impossible to hide. Korea is such a homogenous society that it is immediately noticeable if you are not from here. As a western looking person I am always recognized as foreign. This is a concept that does not exist much in the US because our country is so mixed. One is only recognized as foreign by their accent or perhaps type of clothes(but that is still pretty difficult). However, being in Korea I am often the only foreigner in the crowd, which naturally draws some attention. At first it may be flattering, but after a while I just want to be able to walk down the street and not have eyes follow me wherever I go. Being white in Korea has made me very aware that in fact, yes, I am white. As silly as that sounds, it is a different feeling, one I had not recognized back in the states. I would think this feeling is similar to how people of color feel in predominately white communities. It's not a great feeling, but I'm glad I had the opportunity to understand it if just for a couple months. I don't want to get into American society and the treatment of different groups as that is a whole other post that I simply can't fit into this one right now.

FEMALE
This is probably my biggest point about being here that has challenged me the most. Korea is an extremely patriarchal society, from the way Koreans go about relationships to the process of getting a job. Women are seen as objects here, I said it. And not like the angry girl who was just dumped who says "Oh in America women are just objects and men are pigs" I really mean women are objects here. Their worth is weighed solely on their beauty and their age. Koreans must submit head shots to every job and it is not uncommon to be turned away because you are the wrong age or image, although they would never say that. Women are pressured to conform to this mathematical definition of beauty that is unrealistic for a Korean women. One of my Korean friends just told me she is going on a diet to lose 20 pounds in a single month. It doesn't take being a nursing student to know that isn't healthy. Being here has honestly made me so frustrated because I have no way to help, even though I desperately want to. My words mean next to nothing in this society because this society isn't mine. This culture is not mine. I should be able to adapt and recognize it for what it is. But as I said before, when I have my values, I stick to them and equality between genders is something I can't give up. I can't adapt to how I am treated here being a woman, because it honestly sucks sometimes. I know the US has a long way to go as far as gender equality, but being here has made me so proud of the American women in my life and how strong they are.

AMERICAN
It is true, America is the land of opportunity, at least that is how many Americans, especially my generation, decide to live. I suppose this part of the post really can only be put here because of my privilege being raised in a good middle class family. I have the privilege of passion. What I mean is, I can choose what I want to do based on my own passions. This is a very American idea, as I've found out. Here in Korea you are raised to grow up and choose a job that pays, that's it. Parents push for conventional jobs like company workers or a government employees. I'm not saying this is bad or that it doesn't exist in the US because it totally does. But I think a lot of young Americans have a sense of independence separate from their parents that Koreans do not. Koreans often live with their parents till they get married, so it makes sense for their culture. By no means am I saying this is a bad thing about their culture, I've just noticed how it differs from my own.

Naturally, every group of people acquires stereotypes unique to their own culture. And in Korea, American's are known for how they are represented in US dramas and girls gone wild. Essentially, easy. The second I identify myself I am already labeled. Which is fine, I don't mind. But it's when I'm living in an already male dominant society and I say I'm American that really makes me unhappy. It's when men try to follow me to my apartment, or think that 5 minutes of their broken English will woo me into bed that I really don't want to be here anymore. I cannot even begin to count the number of times Korean guys will ask "Do you have a boyfriend?" and if you answer yes, their follow up will be "I don't see him". As if that's an invitation?(Btw I don't but my other foreign friends get this ALOT).

STANDARD OF BEAUTY
As I mentioned before, image is very big here. And the standard of beauty is different here as well. In the US we have many types of beauty and it is not measured by a machine. The whole "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" thing does not exist here. Let me break it down for you, the Korean standard of beauty is this: tall nose bridge(not natural for most Koreans), big eyes(not natural for most Koreans), white skin(not natural for most Koreans), a V shaped jaw line(not natural for most Koreans), tall(again not natural for most of Koreans), and thin. Well thinness to some extent is natural for Koreans I suppose, but they take it to a whole other level, a 300 calories a day level. You probably noticed a trend here, that these beauty standards are not natural for most of Koreans, and in fact they are very western physical traits. As most of you reading this know, I have big eyes, I have a tall nose bridge(never really thought about that but compared to Koreans I guess its tall??), I'm white(wow who knew), and despite being small in the US I'm often taller than Korean girls. Although I am by no means the size of Korean girls, this only means I have the curves that Korean girls do not have. Which lets just say attracts some attention. What this all means is that I fall under what Koreans deem the standard of beauty. I'm not trying to brag here I'm literally just stating physical fact, my western traits are seen as beautiful here. And with that, I get even more attention than a normal foreigner would, which ties into how I'm treated being a women in a male society.

Now let's tie the standard of beauty back to my own culture. In the US I am very aware of universal standards of women, for example shaving basically everything, wearing make up, and being relatively presentable. Wow actually compared to here that's actually not bad. Of course there is more as far as how to act and other valued traits in American society. But one thing that I believe is heavily valued in the states in individuality. It has been on the rise in the past decade, this idea to love yourself exactly the way you are and not change for anyone. I have to be honest this is a thought I struggled with a lot in high school as many teens do. Yet now I can't imagine living a life where I spend time worrying about what others think of me or how I compare to others, it sounds exhausting and time consuming. At the end of the day I'm stuck with me and I honestly wouldn't want to be stuck with anyone else. This is not to say that Americans of all ages don't struggle with this, as I know how long a journey it can be. But in America we are taught, at least I was(perhaps this is from my family and not America but nonetheless I digress), to love each other as the people we are and to embrace our differences and celebrate our individuality. That is why it is so hard being here sometimes because everyone tries to live up to this ONE ideal making everyone look the same. Korea is where individuality goes to die. But that is not to say that there are not groups here who are individual, I am simply saying that it isn't a mainstream idea.

LASTLY
I don't hate Korea. You might read this post and be like damn she sound like she's having a dreadful time. But truly I'm having a great time, may it be more of a learning opportunity than a vacation. I have met amazing people, have had awesome experiences, learned a new language, and have gotten to know a culture so different from my own. I am so glad I made this trip and wouldn't trade my experiences for anything because I've learned so much about myself. For now I will continue to try to adapt despite how grating it may be on my values. But that is part of being a foreigner in another country, to understand and adapt to a culture not your own. Perhaps my feelings are just from being a first time traveler and in the future my travels will be different.
Till next time,
Elle